Some are Sarcastic, Some are Funny, Some are Funny because they are True
Have a good one, please contribute, happiness and mirth up regulate oxytocin ;√)
Secrets of a Long Life, or maybe not ;√)
The Glory of Getting Older
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” Andy Rooney
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” Lee Trevino
“The Years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." T.S. Elliot
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us; at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us; ...at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." Ann Landers
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." Unknown
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me — they’re cramming for their final exam." George Carlin
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." J. Norman Collie
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable." Oscar Wilde
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." Will Rogers
"We must recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." C.S. Lewis
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." Jennifer Yane
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." Bill Dana
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened." Mark Twain
“Old people shouldn’t eat healthy foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” Robert Orben
A man wanted to literally die with his $$$, so he trusted a third of his money to a Priest, a third to a Doctor, and a third to his Lawyer to bury him with it when he died.
After his death, at the man’s funeral the priest whispered to his dead body and placed a bag in his coffin. The doctor then proceeded to whisper to the body and placed a bag in there as well. Then the lawyer went and dropped off a bag and moved on.
As they were carpooling back from the funeral the lawyer asked what the priest whispered. The priest — with tears in his eyes — said that he had to confess he spent some of the money on an orphanage so that some hungry kids would not starve and that he feels bad for what he had done, but that he had no choice. The doctor then admits that he too had to let him know that one of his patients needed a surgery that he alone could not do, that he spent some of the money to save the person’s life. The lawyer looks at them with scorn and says, “how could you? You have betrayed a man’s last and dying request!”
